I remember writing my wedding vows… it was very hard for me as I only saw people giving promises to each other in movies. Part of me is glad I had no idea how to do it, as when I got a few words out, they were from my heart. I have read a lot about the origin of what we call wedding vows but that has left me more confused, so let me just tell you what I have learnt in prayer as God is the best teacher… after all, marriage is His idea.
The part that calls my attention more than any other during the wedding vows is when we say to each other “For better or worse” but, what comes to mind as those words hit the air to get to our spouses ears? in my case, I thought it meant to be faithful even when bob got sick, and make chicken soup to help him heal his cold… it also meant (to me) that if for some reason we ended up broke, I will do what I could to help my husband save money… little I knew that I had no idea of what I was saying, and NO, this does not mean I do not love my husband, it only means I had no idea what I said….
I believe that this phrase has more weight than remaining together during difficult times such as sickness and lack, I think it goes all the way to what to do when you find out your husband watches crap on his computer, or your wife likes the guy next door and the guy at the store and the guy at the gym, it goes right to the part of our marriages where we come face to face with our brokenness, when we find out we are not enough for each other, part that often is confuse with “I married the wrong one!” such moment in life sure does makes us want to run because we fear what that broken part of our spouse creates in us.
For better or worse has all to do with commitment. One of the biggest questions before marriage is not how much I need to make to buy our first house, it is “how committed to this person am I?” because commitment with help us find the path when “the worse” shows up in our marriages, I believe that commitment helps us forgive and let go faster than when we second guess our choice of marrying that person.
A long time ago, I over heard a conversation between a groom and a friend who stopped to congratulate him… my friend said “good luck to you!” and he said, “We will see how it goes!” no one should enter marriage to try… we should enter it committed to the person so that when the other person’s issues come out, we can remember that we promised to keep this person, and to always cherish this person, and to always love this person no matter what, and that commitment means that no matter how ugly your issues are, or mine are, we will make things work out…. even if this takes longer, than we planned, even if it costs us more than we were willing to pay. The good thing about this is that, we can learn what commitment is and apply it even if we did not enter our marriages truly committed. God never walks away on us, He commits to love us until the end… even when we do not care much for such love, it remains… since we have such example, we can reach out to God and he will help us grow into this scary word “commitment” … if He helped me, He can help you, if I learnt … so can you.
So, next time you find out your spouses little secrets, do not take off running. Remember that we embrace the person, we commit to the person but not to the issue, to this issue thing you most go hands on to find a good counselor and all the help you can get… “If you want to stay true to what your promised” I believe that if we all did our part to stay put in our marriages we can cut the divorce rates… unless the spouse continues to attach to their issue, rejecting the help you and others offer, stay true to what you promised… even then do not take off, pray … for God knows what every marriage needs. Hope this helps, let me know!